Blog Archives

Part 1: Tongue in cheek retorts

I have always wondered, how in a country of 160 million people cramped into a tiny piece of land, we manage to get by without killing each other constantly. I think I might have found the answer. It seems that we as a nation have  honed the art of sarcasm, essentially defusing tense circumstances. Most retorts in Bangla are hilarious, but the hilarity is lost in translation, without the cultural context that is conveyed in the tone and the specific choice of words.

I have had to learn to curb the urge to retort back in most professional settings, yet sometimes, it’s just too tempting. Like a few days ago, when I had a very interesting interaction with a so-called tech guy. I had called a help desk and conversation went something like this:

“Can you check if the internet connection is working?”

A pause and then I get the following advise:

“Yeah it’s working, all the sites you are trying to reach are down”

The retorts that ran through my head ……

“ALL the sites are down???”

“How do you know which sites I was trying to access?”

“How the hell did you ever qualify for this job?”

So this lead to the following post on my FB:

A shout out to all my people here, I am putting together a blog post on all the things that annoy me and bring out the ‘sarcastic’ me. You know all those tongue in cheek responses to ‘stupidity’ that my usual “diplomatic” self refrains from spitting out.

So I have been putting together this list & I got to thinking I am sure a lot of you can add a lot more to this list of things that makes you groan, roll your eyes, hit yourself in the face, wonder what the hell was going on in the other person’s head..

So wanna share? 😉 if you don’t want to publicly post it, send me a msg and I’ll add yours to the list & keep you anonymous

 

Hence this list of things that bring up the sarcasm … feel free to add on 🙂 (some of the retorts are priceless in Bangla and translation doesn’t do them justice, so I’ll include both)

  • People who jostle you from behind in a queue.
    • ‘Amar ga er upor uthe apni koto duur agaben?’ – if you climb over me, how far are you going to go?
    • ‘please shore daran na hole guard k deke apnar be ijjot korabo’ – please stand apart, before I call the guard to teach you some manners.
  • When I go shop something, say a sweater, I will definitely find just one type in all the shops I hop in. I am particularly pissed off by the copy-cat attitude and lack of creativity in Bangladeshi manufacturers, lack of variety, whatever the product may be
    • “I am not just as good as the rest of the 160 million to have this “substance”, I am the one with a cheesy taste, do you have something for ghetto people like me?”
    • “amar fashion sense eto unnoto na..apnar kase puran kisu ase” I am not a fashionista, so do you have something that’s out of fashion?
  • When Indian call centres make their employees use western names.
    • What, we don’t have Asians here?
  • When someone (repeatedly) asks to borrow money
    • Yeah, I only work hard to earn enough to keep lending you money.
  • With “pachelokekibolbe situations” – With situations, where people say things like “what will other people think/say?”
    • “Ami tar-ta khai, na pori, chudlam na tare!” I don’t give a fuck what they think, they neither feed me nor clothe me.
  • When people have a problem with me,
    • “Its not my problem, its yours.”
  • When some one attempts to provide “unwelcome” advice,
    • “Dure jae mor!”  go far away and die
    • OR “Tui amar maa na baap? Taile tham!”Are you my parents? then stop!
  • When rickshaw or any other vehicle riding through the wrong side of the road and making us move to make his way
    • what kind of education did you get?
    • “eita ki tor baper rasta?” does this road belong to your dad?
  • Random connection requests from people on LinkedIn with messages like “you have the best profile picture here”.
    • If I wanted random hook-ups, I would be on a dating site instead of a professional networking site
    • Are you mistaking LinkedIn for Tinder?

More retorts coming up in the next post 🙂

When is your best thinking moments?

I read this article yesterday by Gijs van Wulfen on LinkedIn. If you aren’t aware of it yet, I do a lot of my reading there 😉

Gijs helps starting innovation effectively as facilitator, author and speaker. He did a post titled When do you get great ideas?  211 Managers and professionals from all over the world described as a comment their eureka or AHA-moments. And funnily, these were the top results:

1. Showering 11.2%;

2. Sleeping 9.2% (dreaming);

3. Driving 8.6% (my car, motorbike);

4. Walking 8.0% (in nature or walking the dogs);

5. Working out & running 7.2% (jogging);

6. Before sleeping 6.6%;

7. Waking up 6.6%;

8. Talking to others 3.7%

9. Alone 3.2%

10. Always 3.2%

What strikes me most is that only 0.6% of the eureka-moments happens “in a brainstorm” or “at work”.

You can read the full article here: http://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20131223120329-206580-top-10-eureka-moments-shower-sleep-and-drive

The article is great as it highlights how everyone thinks differently. In fact most had their best moments when they were least expecting it. When the mind changes gear and instead of being stuck on the same rut of thinking that identified the problem, the solution came when they ‘stopped’ thinking about it consciously. Ah… the beauty of our ‘unconscious’ mind, the subconscious if you please 🙂

Einstein said that “no problem can withstand the assault of sustained thinking”, but he also said “we cannot solve our problems with the same thinking that created them”. The key here is to use a variety of tactics to deliberately change the track of our ‘thinking’ state so we approach problems from different angles. This goes to support my view on why Bird’s eye view is essential in both our personal and professional life. 

Usually my best ideas come to me on the days I give myself time off from thinking. Mentally, I put down everything that is going on in my life, my work as a Food Security Advisor, my volunteer roles as Program Manager for an online Radio and as a Public Relation Advisor for Butthan Foundation, my ghost-writing, online trainings, even my blogging. It’s when I put everything aside that I get my best from myself.

I had my best ideas on how to integrate the private sector into our development projects when I was out mixing with groups of friends whose work are completely different from mine. My best blog posts literally came when I stopped looking within and concentrated more on helping out others. I love my month-long summer breaks in Europe mostly because all that hiking, trekking and camping, being out in nature and being ‘present’ in the moment, helps me to achieve clarity on the purpose of my life. On a day-to-day basis, I find that I think most clearly right before I fall asleep and just when I wake up.

So when do you think best? What are your ‘eureka’ moments? 🙂

Attitude and Entitlement

I try to help people network, to find opportunities, for business, for jobs. I actually enjoy doing it but at times when I politely decline, or advice a job seeker to rethink their approach to the search, some simply respond back with a renewed appeal to help them make more money, to save them from the misery of their current jobs/bosses/companies. In short, to use my network to land them a better-paying job anywhere. The tone of the appeals remind me of the fairy tale myth of a knight in shining armour riding in to rescue the damsel in distress.

When I advice these people to get more experience or trainings or education, it’s not taken well. They don’t want advice, suggestion or help. You land them a job that pays better, has lax/better working conditions and they will be happy. Everything else, simply falls on deaf ears.

Now, riddle me this – “What do these people tell themselves that they are entitled to?”

Take this one particular guy for example. He has been working in the same company for the past 16 years, doing the exact same thing. He’s a graduate, who latched on to his first job and remained there. He fed himself the lies and fears that everyone (yes that includes me) feels. He’s poor, not very well-connected, not smart enough, good-looking enough, intellectual enough, the wrong gender (and you can add many more…) so he can’t get a better job. Forget the fact that for 16 freaking years, he did not even attempt to do something more in his own work! No growth, vertical or horizontal. No network or support within the company either because he doesn’t get along with any of his colleagues or he feels isolated, threatened and lashes back at real or imaginary slights. Not once does he stop to question that if he has a problem with EVERY single person around him, then the root of the problem might be himself.

What makes people with attitude like this think that the company is going to owe him a living for the rest of his life? that he has any right to complain about how much he gets paid? Or that even after his job becomes defunct, the company will continue to employ him in a function no longer needed? How?

The mental record that this guy (and I am sure million others) is playing to himself/herself over and over again is that of being a victim of circumstances. To these people destiny is determined by events and instances totally out of their control. 

 One guy wrote me a message, in really bad english (that’s my pet peeve), about how he needs to find a better paying job because he needs to support his family. Really? Like seriously? Show me one person who doesn’t have obligations. Show me one person who doesn’t have a present or future family to support. Show me one person who doesn’t have problems in this world, whether that’s money or family or physical or mental or something else. Do they really sit around thinking that they are going to get a job, keep a job and get paid more every year … just because they need it? Who doesn’t want or need more than what they have right now?

Sadly though this quote by Thomas Jefferson is the most apt in this situation. You can spend  months and years trying to help someone but until they are willing to help themselves …… nothing changes.

In Bangladesh, a country of close to 160 million people, if you can read and write you are part of the 53% of the population who can do so and half the competition is already eliminated there.  If you have access to internet, you are part of the 3.7 to 6 % of the population who do so, putting you literally at the top percentile of the population. If you have a job, you should be grateful that you are not part of the 5% of the population who cannot find employment.

So let’s look at it in another way: In a country of 160 million people, you are in the top 53% because you are literate, top 6% because you have access to internet. To top it of, in these times of global recession, despite all the political turmoil, you are employed in an economy that experienced 6% GDP growth and 3% employment growth. Do you need more?

Do these people realize that a growing economy creates jobs that has never existed before? That our education prepared us for jobs that were probably defunct in the 4-6 years that it took us to graduate? Theories and concepts go through constant evolution, unless we keep up, we become dinosaur in the job market?  To grow horizontally or vertically in our function or job is our own responsibility?

NO ONE owes anyone anything. If our parents afforded us an education, they have already done more than enough. They do not owe it to us, to use their relatives, networks, connections, savings to plead or pay for us to secure a job. That is our responsibility.

If a company employs us, they do not owe it to us to see to our professional growth. We have to do it ourself and if we can’t grow within the company then it is our responsibility to grow outside of it.

Change your sense of entitlement. Change that mental record that says, I am owed this or that. Change the mental record that you are victim of circumstances, birth, limitations etc. We determine our own attitude.

 

No one grows alone. Everyone needs help. We all need bosses we can learn from; mentors to guide us in our journeys; books to expand our mind; ideas and debates that rock the believes we hold and helps us shape new ones. The more your sense of entitlement is pointed inward to yourself, the more you expect of yourself, the more time you invest in yourself, the better the result.

Until you know where you want to go, how can others show you how to get there?

Reblog: 6 ways to get an email response back

I get a lot of messages on LinkedIn. Unfortunately most go in line with “Hi, how are you” and that’s it. An email like that tells me nothing about the person who is writing it, what they hope to achieve by initiating contact, except for the fact that they have a lot of time to waste and presume that the other person does too. If you are going to write a message, at least be clear on what you expect from it. You cannot presume that the other person will in fact respond to your message but if you are clear enough and persuasive maybe they will. So to those who are sending out messages with little more than “hi, how are you”, I strongly recommend that you read the article below and rethink the message you are sending.

====================================

6 ways to get an email response back

http://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20130624114114-69244073-6-ways-to-get-me-to-email-you-back?trk=tod-home-art-medium_1

Three months ago, I became one of those people when the New York Times ran a cover story on my work, “Is giving the secret to getting ahead?” In that piece, Susan Dominus wrote that I was “more reliable than Google and almost as fast,” and that I “virtually never” say no. Suddenly, my inbox was flooded with messages from thousands of strangers asking for help. [The most entertaining one came from a woman who wrote, “I just wanted to test you, to find out if it’s true.”] I noticed that I responded much more quickly to some emails than others—and the ones that elicited fast replies followed the same principles that I studied. Here’s what worked for them, and for me.

1. Perfect the subject line. When it comes to information, it’s hard not to judge a book by its cover. In To Sell Is Human, Dan Pink covers a study showing that people are more likely to read emails with subject lines to create curiosity or provide utility. When people aren’t busy, they’re drawn in by subject lines that intrigue them. But when they’re busy, curiosity fades in importance; the emails that get read are the ones with practical subject lines. When you want to grab the attention of someone important, scrap the entertaining subject lines and focus on utility. Here are some of the most effective subject lines that landed in my inbox from strangers:

  • Curiosity: “Advice for a fellow teleological people-person,” “I do not want anything from you,” “Your book kept me up all night,” “I will fly up and see you; you interest me,” and “Dan Pink would want me to write a creative subject line here”
  • Utility: “Applying your techniques to recovering addicts” and “Getting you to Atlanta”
  • Both: “Can you help give away 4 million dollars a year?” [Here, the sender cleverly went on to clarify, “I know the subject sounds like something you’d get from Nigeria, but…”]

2. Tell them why you chose them. On the receiving end, I was surprised by the number of readers who wrote asking for help without explaining why I was the right person to help them. One person reached out looking for advice on how to become a millionaire; another asked for help fighting a malpractice lawsuit. Neither of these requests is easily handled by a management professor. We know from research on social loafing that when people feel they have no unique contribution to make, they feel little responsibility to step up. Good emails overcome this barrier by highlighting what drew you to this person and the distinctive value that he or she can add. It’s worth devoting a sentence or two to what you know about the person’s work, and how it has influenced your life. Some of the best emails I received referenced particular studies that I had conducted and speeches I had given.

3. Show that you’ve done your homework. A sizeable number of readers wrote asking for links to articles that were freely available on my public website. As author Tim Ferriss, himself a cold-email virtuoso, writes, “It’s amazing how many would-be mentees or beneficiaries ask busier people for answers Google could provide in 20 seconds.” The psychologist Bernard Weiner has found that people are more motivated to help those who try to help themselves. When you reach out to someone busy, Ferriss advises, “Explicitly state what you’ve done to get answers or help yourself.”

4. Highlight uncommon commonalities. I felt a stronger connection to strangers who emphasized something unusual that we had in common. As the psychologist Robert Cialdini sums up the evidence from Influence, “Similarity literally draws people together.” In Give and Take, I elaborate on this principle to point out that similarities matter most when they’re rare. We bond when we share uncommon commonalities, which allow us to feel that we fit in and stand out at the same time. Think of the last time you traveled abroad and met someone from your hometown. If you met at home, the connection wouldn’t stand out as unique, but on foreign soil, you’re the only two people from there, so you feel a sense of closeness. When I cold-emailed Zappos.com CEO Tony Hsieh, my first instinct was to mention that we attended the same college. After realizing that thousands of people share that connection with him, I looked for uncommon commonalities. I ended up writing that I first learned about him when my college roommate followed in his footsteps to run the Quincy Grille. And even though I’m aware of this principle, I’m apparently not immune to it. When I received emails from a fellow springboard diver and a former magician—two relatively uncommon hobbies of mine—I couldn’t escape the feeling of affinity.

5. Make your request specific, and keep it short and sweet. A large number of emails were mini-novels, spanning multiple single-spaced pages. The longer the message, the longer it took me to read and respond, and the more overloaded my inbox, the less patient I was in reading them. As the psychologist Robert Sutton recaps the evidence in Good Boss, Bad Boss, people are more helpful when they’re given clear directions on how to contribute. When Tim Ferriss challenged Princeton students to reach out to celebrities and top executives, one got an answer from then-Google CEO Eric Schmidt simply by asking him about when in his life he was happiest. Schmidt responded: “Tomorrow.” Ferriss suggests that the best approach is to “send a two- to three-paragraph e-mail which explains that you are familiar with their work, and ask one simple-to-answer but thought-provoking question in that e-mail related to their work or life philosophies. The goal is to start a dialogue so they take the time to answer future e-mails—not to ask for help. That can only come after at least three or four genuine e-mail exchanges.”

6. Express gratitude. My least favorite emails made demands instead of expressing appreciation. One person wrote, “We should definitely meet,” and another implored, “Please answer this question.” In my research, I’ve found that people provide more extensive and useful help when it’s an enjoyable choice than when it’s driven by perceived pressure or obligation.

I was excited to help when I felt I could make a difference, not when someone was attempting to coerce me or create a sense of obligation. One of the least motivating strings of emails came from a reader who described a complicated family situation and demanded that I respond “promptly.” Within a week, I sent a three-paragraph reply. I explained that it would be difficult to help without knowing the people involved, but offered a suggestion, attached an article, and recommended a book. The reply from the person said, “I am in receipt of your email” without a single expression of gratitude, and extinguished my desire to be helpful.

Gratitude is more powerful than we realize. In one experiment, Francesca Gino and I asked people to spend some time helping a student improve a job application cover letter. After they sent their feedback, the student replied with a message, “I just wanted to let you know that I received your feedback on my cover letter,” and asked for help with another one in the next three days. Only 32% of the people helped. When the student added just eight words—“Thank you so much! I am really grateful”—the rate of helping doubled to 66%. In another experiment, after people helped one student, a different student asked them for help. Being thanked by the first student boosted helping rates from 25% to 55%. The punch line: a little thanks goes a long way, not only for encouraging busy people to help you, but also for motivating them to help others like you.

For more on achieving influence and motivating people help, see Adam’s new book Give and Take: A Revolutionary Approach to Success, a New York Times and Wall Street Journal bestseller. Follow Adam on Twitter @AdamMGrant

 

Habits that will make your co-workers hate you

Studies show that having a good relationship with your co-workers can make your professional life a whole lot easier. However, if you are doing any of this, expect your co-workers to hate you.

Great article by Ilya Pozin: Founder of Ciplex. Columnist for Inc, Forbes & LinkedIn. Gadget lover, investor, mentor, husband, father, and ’30 Under 30′ entrepreneur. 

You can head over here to read the full article:

http://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20130618145823-5799319-if-you-do-this-your-coworkers-will-hate-you?trk=mp-details-rc

 

 

You regularly pass off your work. Making a habit delegating your work to other team members or employees is certain to get you noticed. If there does come a time when you have to pass off your work, be sure to return the favor as soon as possible. Offer to lend a hand whenever possible to ensure you’re pulling your weight.

You chase perfection. If you’re the person who constantly refuses to see eye-to-eye with your team on whether or not a product is finished, expect disgruntled coworkers. It’s time to set a new standard for yourself: 80 percent is new 100 percent. Forget perfection and begin focusing on getting projects and tasks to the point where they’re good enough.

You command. There’s a big difference between delegating tasks and ordering others around. Even a management title shouldn’t give way to shouting orders at your employees and coworkers. Establish more pleasant and effective interactions by asking your coworkers for their input on given situations or projects. This allows them to come up with their own solution, rather than having yours forced on them.

You’re avoidant. When was the last time you attended an event hosted by your company? Avoiding company cocktail hours is certain to set you apart from the crowd–and not in a good way. A survey by Jobsite found that 70 percent of respondents said friends at work is the most crucial element to a happy working life. Being friends with your coworkers isn’t necessary, but putting effort into strengthening working relationships will make for a better work environment in the long run.

You’re just plain unprofessional. While every workplace has its own idea of what’s too casual, there are a few behaviors that should be deemed unacceptable across the board: gossiping, sharing too much personal information, and not using your manners to name a few. Not only will these unprofessional habits turn your coworkers against you, they could also cost you your job. Stay in tune with the casual nature of your work environment, but never drop your level of professionalism completely.

You’re the rain cloud. Positivity and optimism aren’t realistic every day, but consistently exuding negativity will bring your coworkers down. Put a cap on your judgemental and critical nature. Instead, focus on sandwiching your criticism by giving a compliment prior to and after a criticism.

You waste time at meetings. Meetings are the No. 1 productivity killer. If you’re the person who is constantly straying from the presentation, asking unnecessary questions, and circling back on points, you’re wasting both yours and your coworker’s time. Stick to the regularly scheduled programming and keep your information and questions brief and direct.

 

 

I agree with most of these points. They are almost “common sense” but then again common sense isn’t so common and I personally really have to practice to stop chasing perfection. Since I got back from my trip to Netherlands, my new motto has been to “do more by doing less”. Instead of getting stuck on perfecting details, I hope to find the time to do a wider variety of work. It’s been better since I decided to stop multi-tasking (counter intuitive, I know) and instead focus on getting one job at a time off my to-do list.

Have you changed your work habit recently? Are you doing anything new that works for you? Share in the comments and lets learn from each other.

The “BIG Five” personality quiz ;)

 

I have become an early morning person, the kind that wakes up before the sun has started to lighten the sky and then I have to  wait for maybe 2-3 hours before I can get myself to work. Now if I had it my way, chances are most days  I would’ve already been at work but thank God that I can’t. So instead I find the time to read and write, work if I need to or simply reflect, quietly meditate or just be present in this particular moment in my life 🙂 If you haven’t tried that… you should! It’s amazing what an extra 2 hours of complete peace and quiet can do for the quality of your life.

This morning while reading through articles (I mostly find them on LinkedIn), I followed threads to the BIG FIVE personality quiz and ended up taking it (just for the heck of it) I was curious and the result was interesting. I would love to know if any of my readers had ever tried the quiz and whether you agree with the result.

i actually ordered a pizza with everything on it 🙂

http://psychology.about.com/library/quiz/bl-bigfivequiz1.htm

And just in case you are curious or not I am sharing my results below for all the world to see 😛

Part 1:

Your Score: Moderately High on Extraversion

According to your answers on the quiz, you rate moderately high on the “big five” scale for extraversion. Your score indicates that you have more extraverted traits than introverted traits. Extraverts are typically very sociable, expressive, and dominant. Introverts tend to be quiet, shy, reclusive, and private.

Part 2:

Your Score: Moderately High on Agreeableness

According to your answers on the quiz, you have a moderately high amount of agreeable traits. Research has found that those who rate high on agreeableness are often described as warm, friendly, kind, polite, generous, and helpful. Those who rate low on agreeableness are described as cold, unkind, unfriendly, rude, irritable, and complaining.

Part 3:

Your Score: High on Conscientiousness

According to your answers on the quiz, you rate at a high amount on the “big five” scale for conscientiousness. Researchers have found that this dimension of personality encompasses qualities such as planning, perserverance, responsibility, and cautiousness. Those high in conscientiousness are often described as serious, responsible, thorough, and hardworking.

Part 4:

Your Score: Low on Emotionality

According to your answers on the quiz, you rate low on the “big five” scale for emotionality. The dimension of personality is largely concerned with the amount of emotional stability versus emotional disorganization. Those who rate low on emotionality are often described as calm, poised, and composed.

Part 5:

Your Score: High on Intellect/Openness

According to your answers on the quiz, you rate high on the “big five” scale for intellect. Sometimes referred to as openness to experience, this dimension of personality is concerned with different aspects of intelligence, including both imagination and logic. There is considerable disagreement among different researchers about what to label this dimension as well as which traits are being measured. Those who rate high on intellect are often described as imaginative, intellectual, perceptive, and witty.

Now the best way to get the most accurate result, I would say is to go with your first instinct. Read the question once, slowly, then choose the first answer that you agree with. Then sit back and be surprised or have your suspicions confirmed 🙂

suspicion confirmed.. lol

 

 

p.s. Chances are that I will not have time to update the blog much over the next 2 weeks. Work has been crazy this week and promises to remain just as interesting over the upcoming days. So in case you are here and don’t see an update, don’t worry, I will be back with more in May 🙂

 

 

Someone is looking for a “bakra” on LinkedIn

Warning… I will be RANTING BIG time!!!!!!

I have ranted about the idiocy of certain people on LinkedIn who seems to think that this professional networking tool is synonymous to a dating website or worse. Today, though this particular message that I got on my inbox really topped the limit of my tolerance and just to be sure that I am not being short fused, I circulated it to the girls in my office and asked their opinion. Everyone, including the men, were shocked and outraged.

So NO, I do not have a short fuse if that would be your excuse for shoo’ing off this post. This guy doesn’t have an excuse and neither does anyone else who even condones these kind of requests. Just the fact that this guy sent it in a private message to my inbox is tantamount to solid evidence of his low IQ and understanding of what it means to be a progressive woman. No one in their right mind should send a message like this to someone like ME on a professional networking site. Not only am I least likely to help find that idiot/bakra who would answer this ad, I also wrote a very stern message back on the proper use of LinkedIn AND I am the kind of person who would speak out against idiotic things like this instead of brushing it off as another idiotic cultural practice. Sorry, culture is made by each one of us, society is made by each one of us with every single act of ours. We do not get to brush these off and pretend like they don’t happen.

I am posting the message that I received with english translation on the side and then below I will tell you why I find these kind of messages so sad that they make me mad.

——————————————————

Date: 3/27/2013

Subject: পাএী চাই পাএী চাই (bride wanted, bride wanted)

পাএ কেমন……….  (how is the groom)

১)পাএ এর দাদা বাড়ী নরসিংদী জিলায়। (groom’s paternal grandfather is from Norsingdi district)

২)পাএ এর নানার বাড়ী নরসিংদী জিলায়। (groom’s maternal grandfather is from Norsingdi district)

৩)ঢাকার স্থায়ী বাসিন্দা(মোহাম্মদপুর) ওয়ারীশ সূত্রে পাএ এর নামে ৪টি ফ্ল্যাট আছে। (groom is permanently settled in Dhaka & has inherited 4 apartments)

৪)পাএরা – ৩ভাই+১বোন (the groom has 3 brothers and 1 sister)

৫)পাএ পরিবারের ৩য় সন্তান(ভাই+ভাই+পাএ+বোন)  (the groom is the 3rd one among the siblings in the order – brother, brother, groom, sister).

৬)পাএ-বিকম(অনার্স),এমকম(একাউন্টিং) Groom has passed B.Com (Hons) and M.Com (Accounting)

৭)প্রাইভেট প্রতিষ্ঠানে কর্মরত (working in a private company)

৮)পাএ এর উচচতা-৫’-৫”,ওজন-৫৫ কেজি (groom is 5’5″ in height and weights 55 kgs)

৯)পাএ-নামাযী (groom prays)

১০)পাএের গা-এর রং শ্যামলা (groom’s skin color is dark brown)

১১)পাএ মিশুক এবং ভ্রমন প্রয়াসী। (groom is social and likes to travel)

১২)পাএ সাধাসিধা জীবন ধারনে অভ্যস্ত। (groom is used to the simple life)

১৩)পাএ এর জম্ম সন-১৯৮৫ (groom was born on 1985)

১৪)পাএের রক্তের গ্রুপ-+O কেমন……….  (groom has O+ blood group)

পাএী চাই। (bride wanted)

১)দাদা বাড়ী বৃহত্তর ঢাকা জিলার হলে ভাল হয়। (it would be better if her paternal grandfather hails from greater Dhaka district)

২)নানার বাড়ী বৃহত্তর ঢাকা জিলার হলে ভাল হয়। (it would be better if her maternal grandfather hails from greater Dhaka district)

৩)ঢাকার বাসিন্দা হতে হবে/হলে ভাল হয়। (should be/better if permanently settled in Dhaka)

৪)ছোট শিক্ষিত পরিবার হতে হবে। (must be from educated and small size family)

৫)পাএীকে পরিবারের ১ম সন্তান না হলে ভাল হয়। (better if she is not the eldest child of the family)

৬)পাএীকে নূন্নতম অনার্স ডিগ্রী পাশ হতে হবে। (bride must be at least graduate)

৭)চাকরীজীবি চলবে, তবে প্রয়োজনে চাকরী ছেড়ে দিতে হবে। (service holder will do, but must leave job if necessary)

৮)নূন্নতম উচচতা-৫’-২”,উচচতার সহিত শরীর এর ওজন এর ভারসাম্যতা থাকতে হবে। (bride must be at least 5’2″ in height with proportionate weight)

৯)পাএীকে নামাযী (অবশ্যই ৫ ওয়াক্ত)হতে হবে। (bride must pray 5 times a day)

১০)পাএীকে ফর্সা/উজ্জল শ্যামলা হতে হবে। (bride must be fair or bright brown in skin color)

১১)পাএীকে মিশুক হতে হবে। (bride must be social)

১২)পাএীকে সাধাসিধা জীবন ধারনে অভ্যস্ত হতে হবে। (bride must be used to the simple life)

১৩)পাএীকে –পাএ থেকে নূন্নতম ৩-৫ বছর ছোট হলে ভাল হয়। (bride must be at least 3-5 years younger than the groom)

১৪)পাএীর রক্তের গ্রুপ-+O হলে চলবে না। (Bride’s blood group cannot be O+)

শুধু মাএ পাএী এবং পাএীর অবিভাবকদের যোগাযোগ করতে অনুরোধ রইল। ধন্যবাদ–আনিস (only bride’s and their parents/guardians are requested to contact. thank you, Anis.)

Feeling like an idiot today? Welcome to my world!

You know what gets my goat? I was extremely tempted to inquire as to whether they are looking for a bride for the groom, someone who is going to share his life with him, or are they looking to buy a cow for sacrifice? You know what we do when we look for these cows that we sacrifice every year? We decide on a budget, on the color, the size, the age, the height and then we go poke around in the cattle market. We look at the teeth, the hoofs, the condition of the skin, then we haggle with the trader on the price while pointing out faults even if we have no intention of actually buying that particular cow.

The bride being looked for …. resembles that cow to me.

Is this good looking enough for you????

 

The groom prays but the bride MUST be the 5 times a day praying type. REALLY? What is that?? guarantee of character? Cause buddy I can show you thousands of people who pray 5 times a day and then go kill, lie, steal, rape and do everything under the sun that is prohibited in ANY religion.

 

The groom skin color is brown but the bride must be fair or bright brown. Well if the girl has to be willing to marry someone who has darker skin color than her… then WHY does he have a problem?

 

While the groom himself has 3 other siblings and THAT is not a small family in size, the bride unfortunately MUST be from a small family. Dude, shouldn’t family planning have started right from your own?

 

She cannot be the eldest child of the family. Why? Because she might have responsibilities to her parents and younger sibling? And neither he or his family is willing to put up with it?

Let me tell you, in Bangladesh, men & women, don’t marry each other. It is the families that get married to each other. So once she is married to him, she’ll be required to overnight become a part of the family and treat his parents as her own or better with less than half the respect, honor, love and care that will be shown to their own daughter. Is that a worthy trade? The family here is clearly unwilling to take on any additional responsibility, yet they have a list of demand from the bride already which gives quite an interesting indication of how much more they will be demanding after marriage.

 

The groom has passed his Masters but he’s looking for a Graduate. Obviously she not only has to be younger in age (easier to control) but will also have to  be less educated than him and absolutely not career oriented. I mean c’mon, they are blatantly stating that even though a service holder will do, she has to be willing to leave the job if necessary. More control issues with obvious underlying insecurities!

 

This is soooooooooooooooooooo wrong in sooooooooooooooo many different levels that honestly I am at a loss for words. The saddest thing is probably that someone or the other is bound to respond to this ad/offer and I can’t think of anything worse than this for the woman who is proposed as the bride.

 

When people pray for marriage partners, when the religious leaders advised on what to look for in marriage partners, I honestly doubt that any of the above in the checklist was part of that advice. Women pray for soul mates, for someone who will treat them well, be their soul mate, their best friend. Some one who will bring out the best in them as they will for the other. Some one to have children with and love and laugh with for the rest of their lives. And no where in this ad/post/request/offer do I see any of that………

Answer to this prayer? I think NOT !!!!!

 

For me to get this … on Linkedin … is simply hitting the bottom in so many ways! Women being dragged back thousands of years and I have to witness it? Silently? I think not.

Interview preparation 101

I am amazed at the number of people who turn up for interviews barely prepared for what is to follow. Apart from the usual answers to a list of usual questions and hoping that luck will intervene at some point to help them snag the job, little else seems to be offered from the candidate’s side. On the other hand, a well prepared interview is akin to a well versed poetry that flows, people can forge bonds, build rapport within that 10-15 minute window.

In my opinion, the more you interview, the better your art of interviewing becomes. A matter of practice like everything else and anything that is worth doing, should be done well. Below is my check list of activities to undertake before and after the interview.

When you receive the call for the interview:

1. Make sure you catch the name of the person who is calling you. Even if it is only the receptionist who has called you, knowing that name will ensure that you have an instant conversation starter when you appear for the interview on the appointed date and time. Example – “good morning Ms. Seema. Thanks for calling that day. I am here for the interview with Mr. So and So at such and such time.” followed by a simple observation “I like the design of the office, how long has the office been located here?” A simple greeting with the name, followed by a comment/observation or question is more likely to garner a response or start a surprisingly useful conversation.

2. While reconfirming the date and time of the interview, double-check the name of the person that you will be interviewing with. I have seen a number of candidates turn up for interviews with a date and a time but no idea of who they are interviewing with. Not a good impression when the receptionist has to spend 15 minutes calling around to find out who called for the interview in the first place.

3.  Double check the address, ask for direction if needed and if you do not know the area, ask someone who does, this can save you from running around on the interview day itself trying to locate the office and losing precious calmness in the ensuing worry.

After you have received the call for the interview:

1. Do a little research on the company that you will be interviewing with. When did they open? Who were the founder(s)? What is their core product/service? Who are the customers? What is the company vision and mission? Google search for company website can yield an amazing amount of information, read up on relevant news paper articles, blogs etc.

2. Research the product / service area that you will be engaged in, include customers and competitors in the search.

3. Last but not the least, run a search on the person that you will be interviewing with. A simple search in LinkedIn or Face Book can yield an amazing amount of information on a person’s professional history. Recruiters do these quite routinely now on candidates, so make sure your online presence reflects who you are and who you want to be.

Day of the interview:

1. Give yourself a pep talk. Pray, meditate, deep breaths are all ways of achieving a calm & collected state of mind.

2. Prepare well in advance, have your clothes laid out a couple of hours before, get ready and out of the house with plenty of time in hand. Account for last-minute mishaps of a torn hem, difficulty finding public transport or an unusually large traffic jam.

3. Any papers that you have been asked to  bring to the interview should be collated and put in your bag/briefcase the night before. You do not want to be hunting for that long-lost educational certificate a couple of hours before you leave for your interview.

4. At the interview, introduce yourself, remember to smile, shake hands firmly, speak calmly but be assertive. Avoid rambling, speaking too fast or too slow and do not engage into a tirade of all the wrongs done to you in your previous employment. Anyone with a big chip on the shoulder is a major red flag for an interviewer.

5. Avoid the temptation to inflate your achievements. You will be asked to deliver as per your capability and anything that you say can be checked out by the interviewer. Lying about your qualification or capability can be a very negative strike against you.

After the interview:

1. Remember to thank the interviewer for their time and the opportunity to interview with them.

2. Write a follow-up note, email reiterating the same within the next 2 business days.

3. Research further any other points that may have come up during the interview. This makes for great conversation fodder during the 2nd round of interview that are bound to take place if you have prepared well.

Good luck and happy preparation!!!!

Inner Whispers

Messages from Within

Triangle Below Canal Street

Don't Sleep On This

House of Uncommons

The uncommon perceptions, wisdom, and senses

Life on the road

Travel, Adventure and Roadtrips.

Attila Ovari

Loving Life and Inspiring Others

rennydiokno.com

global group of international organization for poverty & disable development program

Naijacarrot

finishing lives since the era of dinosaurs

Kezia Lubanszky

Writer, Editor, Bridget Jones Enthusiast

Tania Marie's Blog

Creating Life as a Work of Art

How Far From Home

Two Creatives. One Wanderlist. Zero reasons to stay at home.

we hunted the mammoth

the new misogyny, tracked and mocked

I Do & Adieu

Learning To Live And Love In Japan

Kendall Kessler Art

Original Art by Award Winning Artist Kendall Kessler

Just A Primer

Musings and other thoughts on beauty.

FOOD LAW LATEST

food safety, food law, food frauds, food recalls, food

The Renegade Press

Tales from the mouth of a wolf

Reiki Mark Cross

Peace, happiness and relaxation

My Life

The Daily Adventures of a Single Mom

traces of orange

S M SHAHRUKH

Agro and Farming

A Blog about Agriculture and Farming related NEWS, Reviews, Technologies, Products, Crops, Tips, Thoughts, Stories and lots . . .

ValerieTarico.com

AwayPoint: Between An Island of Certainties and the Unknown Shore

ideas.ted.com

Explore ideas worth spreading

hessianwithteeth

This site is all about ideas

A Narcissist Writes Letters, To Himself

A Hopefully Formerly Depressed Human Vows To Practice Self-Approval

Casey Fiesler

#academia #internet #law #feminism #geek

leylashah2014

just another boy who wants to be a girl

The Accidental Mathematician

Because "exact science is not always exact science."

YIN NEW ZEALAND

A place for lovers of Yin and Yang to unite

Critical Dispatches

Follow me on Twitter and Instagram @RichyDispatch

LGBTI Bangladesh

The mouthpiece of the Sexual Minorities in Bangladesh

wellfesto

hacking health, designing life

সাদাসিধে কথা আর্কাইভ

মুহম্মদ জাফর ইকবাল এর কলামগুলোর সংগ্রহ

The Belle Jar

"Let me live, love and say it well in good sentences." - Sylvia Plath

Single Mom Spot

Strength in the Singular

Where is Shyamni?

Being Sharon; finding Shyamni...

Quartz

Quartz is a digitally native news outlet for the new global economy.

The Bachelor of Arts in Liberal Studies

Online Programs in the Humanities and the Social Sciences at UNCG

A Travel Blog

By Lena Desmond

TED Blog

The TED Blog shares interesting news about TED, TED Talks video, the TED Prize and more.

Kindness Blog

Kindness Images, Videos, True Life Stories, Quotes, Personal Reflections and Meditations.

The Only Way Is Dhaka!

Daily blog of an Englishwoman (married to a Bangladeshi) living in Dhaka, Bangladesh....

JamesRadcliffe.com

James Radcliffe, Musician. Music, Blog, Pictures, Live, News...

Great Books of the Western World

The unexamined life is not worth living.

%d bloggers like this: