Part 2: Tongue in cheek retorts

This is a continuation of the previous post – Part 1: Tongue in cheek retorts. I received so many entries that had to break the post into two to accommodate them all 🙂 Enjoy!

Btw, here’s the latest from the IT help desk, cracked me up again and with each reading it got funnier.

Dear mister Khan,

That is not exactly an issue, but a known problem.
At the moment there is nothing we can do about it.

You can press “OK” and refreshing the page ( F5 ) will be enough.

Kind regards,

Service center

  • Bengalies often ask me,, ‘Why aren’t you married? I have some perspective,, I can find you a nice guy,, ”
    My answer usually is a smile,, but I’m saying to myself,,,

    • There are Gazzilions of Bengalies exist,, Am I the last offspring of Dinosaurs, that Imma extinct soon,, therefore, I must reproduce??
    • Yeah,, I could be a offspring of the Bengali Tigers.. for sure !
  • Being complimented with words like ‘sexy’, ‘hot’ etc. from random people who behave like they are paying you the ‘biggest’ compliment ever and you should roll over in excitement/happiness/gratitude…
    • Too hot to handle – for you – move on
    • “roll eyes” & wonder if the skull houses a brain
    • “deikkhai shanti”
  • Random people who send you CV’s that are used to broker ‘arranged’ marriages
    • All the reactions listed above and then some (plus an auto-gag reflex)
  • Random people, you have never met or spoken to, sends you CV’s  then hound you to find them a job
    • Not running an employment agency here
    • No one is hiring stupid…. when someone does, I will inform you.
  • People you have never met, sends you messages titled “dear friend” and then a long-winded monologue that results in whatever else they want from you with a pathetic reason as to why you should comply with their request.
    • This ain’t a ‘dharamshala’ .. this is not a ‘charity’
    • I think I know ‘who’ my friends are.. and they are certainly not people I have never met
    • If you can’t say it simple with a compelling reason to comply, don’t bother at all
    • Using big words, only makes you seem stupider…. as if the ‘greeting’ wasn’t stupid enough
  • People who think they have grown too big for their boots
    • Better watch that ego, I might ‘accidentally’ bruise it
    • Ain’t no one shown you the ‘highway’ yet?
    • Buddy, take a hike and just keep on walking.
  • Men overdosing on testosterone
    • Where’s your cave?
    • You lose your way in the jungle?
    • So what did you hunt today?
    • someone stuck a bamboo up your ass or what?
  • Women overdosing on hormones
    • Woman, you missed your calling on the stage
    • Oh you would’ve been fantastic in ‘so & so’ hindi serial
    • What’s up with being so passive aggressive?
  • Men who live in the ‘foreign’ land and think that their passports/non-resident status are enough to draw the girls in hordes. Case in point, messages like ‘I live in USA, can we be friends?’
    • I live in Mars, I don’t think we are compatible
    • Why? They ran out of friends in the USA?
    • Got plenty of friends thank you… don’t need a weirdo from wherever you are.
  • Comments and messages that start with “I don’t want to annoy you but…”
    • Dude, you are already annoying me
    • If you don’t want to annoy, why start?
    • Move on….

Ahhhh… gotta love them… sarcastic retorts &  humor at their best 😀


Posted on April 25, 2015, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

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