Should you or shouldn’t you burn bridges?

Read this quote today and completely loved it:

Personally, I don’t like burning bridges but at the same time, I also know that sometimes it is the only way to move forward.

I didn’t burn bridges when I left the companies that I have worked with in the past. I had enjoyed my colleagues and my bosses and I kept in touch with them. Over the years some of these relationships evolved into deep friendships full of appreciation and support. We discovered new things about each other interest that kept the relationship going.

One example: I have been collaborating with one of my ex-colleagues on an online radio that he started. Over the past two years, I have found him and his wife to be two of the best people who I know here in Dhaka. I love who they are and how they conduct their lives, integrating and introducing their children to their various interests. They don’t preach, instead they live their lives in a way that would inspire any other parent. 

Another very good thing about not burning bridges – ex-bosses make the best possible mentors! They have worked hands on with you. Ideally they know your strengths and weaknesses and are therefore in a better position to help you grow professionally. As outlined in my previous re-blog of another post on mentors, you will need people who will mentor and sponsor you professionally. Ex-bosses are ideal for just that. If your relationship with your direct line manager is good and continues to remain so, you just might find a sponsor for yourself right there. 

So given all these, why would I support burning bridges? Why do I believe that sometimes it is in fact necessary?

This is where Dunbar’s magic number of 150 comes into play. According to Robin Dunbar, the British anthropologist who correlated the size of the primate brain with the average social group, humans can maintain an  average of 150 meaningful social connection. While the size may vary between 100 to 200, the research showed that the bigger the number the more disintegrated the relationships. 

We are continuously growing and evolving as a person. And at some point in time, we might find that our personal growth is creating distance between us and some of the people in our immediate circle.  This maybe due to anything, from a simple change in physical location to difference in ideology etc.

Our time and energy are limited. Hence our primary resources are usually spent on maintaining the relationships that are integral to our very own well-being – our parents, siblings, spouse, children. Next comes those with our friends, colleagues, social media contacts etc.

Fact is sometimes we  outgrow some relationships. When a relationship takes up an inordinate amount of time and energy to maintain without giving back any, it becomes like a black-hole sucking away all good things. When it comes to these toxic relationships, the question is not whether or not to break the connection all together, but how soon can you break it off. In cases like these, I fully support the burning of bridges. 

Burn the bridge. Trust your intuition. Continue to grow and prosper in other more supportive relationships. Some things can be fixed when they are broken. In case of toxic relationships, it’s better to leave it alone all together. 

So what do you think – should you or shouldn’t you burn bridges? 

 

Posted on December 19, 2013, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 7 Comments.

  1. Nice article, I enjoy reading and feel you are very diverse individual. I wrote on the same similar article and trying to expand my writing so more peoples will read it. Good luck

    Like

  2. Great food for thought here. When and if we end relationships is one of life’s dilemmas. Sometimes we risk burning bridges in the emotion of a moment or a situation. This is when careful thought along with one’s intuition must come into play.

    Like

    • So true! While most women never get around to burning bridges because of the inherent insecurity that comes with losing any particular relationship. You are right that the decision should never be taken lightly, in the heat of the moment. IF and When the decision is made, it should be after much thought is given on the reasons of why such a drastic measure may be necessary.

      Thank you for pointing that out 🙂

      Like

  3. Very interesting about spreading ourselves thin with too many relationships. I am with Dunbar on this one – that I would prefer to keep the number smaller and nurture them more deeply. Even thinking of 100 makes by head spin.
    However, I am not sure whether I would actually have to burn bridges to achieve that and maybe I could achieve the same thing just by keeping a lower profile in their lives.

    As for toxic people ….. GREAT idea.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Personally .. I like fewer, deeper relationships then many, shallow ones. I find that I am happier and more content with my life and myself when I devote my time and energy to nurture the deep connections 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Inner Whispers

Messages from Within

Triangle Below Canal Street

Don't Sleep On This

House of Uncommons

The uncommon perceptions, wisdom, and senses

Life on the road

Travel, Adventure and Roadtrips.

Attila Ovari

Loving Life and Inspiring Others

rennydiokno.com

global group of international organization for poverty & disable development program

Naijacarrot

finishing lives since the era of dinosaurs

Kezia Lubanszky

Writer, Editor, Bridget Jones Enthusiast

Tania Marie's Blog

Creating Life as a Work of Art

How Far From Home

Two Creatives. One Wanderlist. Zero reasons to stay at home.

we hunted the mammoth

the new misogyny, tracked and mocked

I Do And Adieu!

Learning To Live And Love In Japan.

Kendall Kessler Art

Original Art by Award Winning Artist Kendall Kessler

Just A Primer

Musings and other thoughts on beauty.

FOOD LAW LATEST

food safety, food law, food frauds, food recalls, food

The Renegade Press

Tales from the mouth of a wolf

Reiki Mark Cross

Peace, happiness and relaxation

My Life

The Daily Adventures of a Single Mom

traces of orange

S M SHAHRUKH

Agro and Farming

A Blog about Agriculture and Farming related NEWS, Reviews, Technologies, Products, Crops, Tips, Thoughts, Stories and lots . . .

ValerieTarico.com

AwayPoint: Between An Island of Certainties and the Unknown Shore

ideas.ted.com

Explore ideas worth spreading

hessianwithteeth

This site is all about ideas

A Narcissist Writes Letters, To Himself

A Hopefully Formerly Depressed Human Vows To Practice Self-Approval

Casey Fiesler

#academia #internet #law #feminism #geek

leylashah2014

just another boy who wants to be a girl

The Accidental Mathematician

Because "exact science is not always exact science."

YIN NEW ZEALAND

A place for lovers of Yin and Yang to unite

Critical Dispatches

Follow me on Twitter and Instagram @RichyDispatch

LGBTI Bangladesh

The mouthpiece of the Sexual Minorities in Bangladesh

wellfesto

hacking health, designing life

সাদাসিধে কথা আর্কাইভ

মুহম্মদ জাফর ইকবাল এর কলামগুলোর সংগ্রহ

The Belle Jar

"Let me live, love and say it well in good sentences." - Sylvia Plath

Single Mom Spot

Strength in the Singular

Where is Shyamni?

Being Sharon; finding Shyamni...

Quartz

Quartz is a digitally native news outlet for the new global economy.

The Bachelor of Arts in Liberal Studies

Online Programs in the Humanities and the Social Sciences at UNCG

A Travel Blog

By Lena Desmond

TED Blog

The TED Blog shares interesting news about TED, TED Talks video, the TED Prize and more.

Kindness Blog

Kindness Images, Videos, True Life Stories, Quotes, Personal Reflections and Meditations.

The Only Way Is Dhaka!

Daily blog of an Englishwoman (married to a Bangladeshi) living in Dhaka, Bangladesh....

JamesRadcliffe.com

James Radcliffe, Musician. Music, Blog, Pictures, Live, News...

Great Books of the Western World

The unexamined life is not worth living.

%d bloggers like this: