What are you attracting?



I had a friend. Nothing in her life ever goes right according to her. Every single conversation with her is dipped in negativity. It got to the point where I would dread having to either talk to her or entertain her if she turns up in one of her impromptu visits. She seems to be hardwired to find the negativity in every situation and with her negativity and constant whining, she invites more of that to come into her life. No matter how many times she changes her job, her boss or what office she works in, she takes that negativity with her everywhere. And her negativity and constant whining invites the same from others who come into contact with her.

Then at some point in time this year, I made the firm decision to cut out all negativity from my life and thankfully to a large degree that included negative people. This  change for me was not an easy one since I have the tendency to be too generous instead but my generosity was creating problems in my life.

At some point in time, I realized that I cannot change my friend. People change when they want to. When they are motivated to change. My frustration with them or myself is not helping either. And instead of becoming a solution, I was becoming a problem, for myself. With that realization came another one – in order to say ‘yes’ to others I was saying ‘no’ to myself, I realized that it was I who had to change.



I had turned a new leaf by the time I spoke to her again a couple of months later. At the very beginning of the conversation, I told her that she cannot complain, no matter what catastrophe is at the center stage of her ongoing drama with life. If she wants to discuss problems in order to find solutions, I will listen and advise if I can. Otherwise we are going to stick to the pleasant things in life. No more getting on the ‘merry-go-round’ of self-pity parties. The conversations lasted less than a couple of minutes and then the calls were fewer and far in between until we started going for months without talking. This scenario played out with 2 other friends of mine. Until one day I realized that by saying ‘yes’ to myself and consciously making that choice to only entertain the positive, the quality of my friendship with the people around me has drastically changed.

I can tell you this….. the journey has been worth it. The friendships that I have now are one’s that I cherish. In giving myself the permission to be brutally honest about how each relationship affects me and what I expect the other person to put in the relationship, it freed up the other party to do the same. These are the relationships that build us up, cheer us on and kick our ass if we wallow in pity parties at moments of weakness. These relationships are based on authenticity, integrity weaves them together, true generosity of the spirit leaves no room for maliciousness in the directness.


Posted on July 6, 2013, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. Since moving out of the negative influences in my life, I find more joy in everything. Challenges become opportunities to grow. Hurdles do not seem so hard to overcome.


  2. Thanx for the link-love! Your post affirms that when We focus on self-love, we see who really loves Us – or who just wants to love making Us miserable…


  3. I can relate. My best friend (who is always negative at the best of times) flew down to see me 2 years ago because she was thinking of leaving her husband and she wanted me to give her sympathy. I spent the first day listening patiently but then, as the things she was complaining about were trivial and NOT the stuff to base a divorce on, I told her so. She was upset at me dreadfully and things were strained for a while. As fate would have it, six months later it was me and my ‘strong’ marriage that was flat on the floor and interestingly it is my friend and her husband who have been my biggest rocks of support through my crisis. So while the aim is the same as yours (wanting to rid negativity) the outcome in this case is different in that by voicing my honest opinion rather than going along with her negativity, my friend changed. Her marriage is still intact and stronger for the little hurdle. Our friendship is also more honest as we know that we can be truly truthful with one another and survive.


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