Be you. Be gloriously, confidently, beautifully you. Always remember there IS no one else in the world as unique as you.
I read this blog today and it’s in reply to an email sent by a teenager. My heart went out to all the teenagers who sent similar emails and to Dan the blogger, who replied to them.
I remember being a teenager. It wasn’t easy and that’s putting it lightly. I remember all the angst that came out in these emails all too well, even now. I remember spending over a decade feeling worthless, looking for a place, for people with whom I would fit in. I was also called ‘shy’ even though I knew that I wasn’t shy. I just didn’t fit in.
I still don’t fit in.
The biggest difference now, in my 30’s, is that I am comfortable enough with myself to be ok with not fitting in. In fact there are certain things that I DON’T want to fit into.
I don’t want to fit into a society where women are 2nd class citizens.
I don’t want to fit into the concept that just because I am a woman, I am not ALLOWED to do certain things.
Lets not forget that it took me 3 decades to get to this stage. And I spent half of that working, learning from experiences with the wide variety of people who I came across, both in my personal and professional field. A lot of times, people carry their hurt, anger, shame, confusion into adult hood. They make the same mistakes, repeat the same patterns that they had vowed not to make.
This is for adults – people will make you feel worthless, like you mean nothing, because THEY want to feel worthy, powerful, in control. And that is their way of getting what they want. It has got nothing to do with you. The sooner you recognize that, the better for you. You will find these people everywhere, at home, at work, in school, university, playgrounds. If you can, move out of their way. If you can’t …. just remind yourself that their behavior is not about you, it’s about them.
People will blame you for their mistakes, for their own shortfalls, for the things they could not do, achieve or failed in because they were busy, distracted, occupied etc with you. Don’t believe them. They need an escape goat or a punching bag (verbal or physical) and you just happen to be the closest or most available one. It is NOT about you. You are not the cause of someone else’s failure.
There are certain unalienable truths – No matter how much you want to, you can’t get love, friendship, acceptance from everybody. People will take advantage of you. Relationships will suck unless you have a strong boundary on what is and isn’t acceptable for you.
So give yourself the love that you want from others. The acceptance that you want from others. Believe in yourself and your own potentials the way you want others to believe. Give yourself everything that you want others to give you. Why? Because people will treat you the way you treat yourself. You can raise the bar for yourself and others. Hold yourself to a higher standard of behavior. Believe in your own dreams and do everything in your power to achieve them. The more you work on your relationship with yourself, the more you will find that not only are you beautiful, talented, brave, understanding and loving but you have more of yourself to give to the people who really care to receive from you.
Giving is a gift but so is the capability to receive. Don’t hold on to the hurt. Do hold on to the love. People and life will give you love in all kinds of ways. Learn the different languages of love. Sometimes it is as simple as holding someone else’s hand. Sometimes it is as simple as recognizing that just because you are not getting what you want, exactly the way you want it; it doesn’t mean that you are not getting it from somewhere else, in a way that you have not thought of and therefore may not be able to recognize it until you look for it.
Ever heard about that phrase “you take your party with you?” Treat yourself kindly. Buy yourself flowers, diamonds, new suits, new shoes, that carton of chocolate ice-cream that you have been craving, take yourself to dinner at that new restaurant you have been wanting to try out. Learn to know yourself, spend time with yourself. Learn to get comfortable in your own skin, with all of your griefs and worries and baggage. Be your own best friend. It’s the best way to earn one.