Loved this blog, especially since I know with the end of the year, a lot of people I know and me included will look back on some parts of the year and some of the choices we have made and wish that we hadn’t made them. We will wish that we could go back and change the decisions, maybe even take a completely different path in life.
But in the here and now is the ‘me’ that was shaped by everything that I have been through this year. Would I be the same ‘me’ had I not fought the monsters in my closet? Had I not confronted my fears? Had I not lost out in some relationships? Lost a bit more faith because of the trash that people leave behind? And gained some more faith in myself for my ability to get through those days?
I didn’t go through this journey alone. I went on that journey with my friends, with colleagues, with complete strangers that I had shared precious moments with. I went through that journey in different places in different countries. I achieved some of my dreams, ticked off some of the items on my bucket list. When life knocked me down on my knees, I took the opportunity to pray. I gained as much as I lost or maybe more, after all I am still standing at the end of the year, looking back and thinking that I had a good run.
Depression reared its ugly head this morning. The alarm went off at 10:00 am and I could not bring myself to get out of bed. Just a few more minutes, I thought and then I would get up…….and so I lay there….I thought about the past……I thought about recent events……and I prayed,…… “this is the day the lord has made,let me be glad and rejoice.” But there was no rejoicing. There was only the blackness that I was feeling in my soul. I lay in bed and said Hoʻoponopono (ho-o-pono-pono) is an ancient Hawaiian practice of reconciliation and forgiveness. I said it for the last relationship I was involved in, “Please forgive me, I am sorry, Thank you, I love you.” I lay there and I prayed, “Dear God, please remove any psychic, emotional ties to JSB–set him free and set me free.”
This depression did not…
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