Emotional vampires

On Halloween: 5 Emotional Vampires — and How to Combat Them

I love twilight saga, I love the books, I love the movies! So yeah Bella Swan set us back by 50 years from where feminism had taken us with her constant need for rescue, but hey….. she fumbles and stumbles her way through a great story and a never-ending battle between werewolf and vampire. But it was not twilight that I had in mind when I was reading this article by Therese J Borchard. I love how she is very direct about being a recovering people pleaser, her journey has been interesting and her insights even more so. In this particular article she identifies 5 different kinds of vampires and trust me, we know them, we meet them every day in our daily lives. Some of us is just better at recognizing them for who they are and some of us are just so unaware that we fall for their guile every time and then wonder what’s wrong with us. So without further ado, I present to you excerpt from her article.

Here are five types of emotional vampires you’re likely to encounter, and some “silver bullet” tips for fending them off.

Vampire 1: The Narcissist.

This vampire is grandiose, self-important, attention hogging, and hungry for admiration. She is often charming and intelligent–until her guru status is threatened.

Self-defense tips: Enjoy her good qualities, but keep your expectations realistic. Because her motto is “me-first,” getting angry or stating your needs won’t phase her. To get her cooperation, show how your request satisfies her self-interest.

Vampire 2: The Victim. 

This vampire thinks the world is against him, and demands that others rescue him.

Self-defense tips: Don’t be his therapist, and don’t tell him to buck up. Limit your interactions, and don’t get involved in his self-pity.

Vampire 3: The Controller.

This vampire has an opinion about everything, thinks he knows what’s best for you, has a rigid sense of right and wrong, and needs to dominate.

Self-defense tips: Speak up and be confident. Don’t get caught up in bickering over the small stuff. Assert your needs, and then agree to disagree.

Vampire 4: The Criticizer.

This vampire feels qualified to judge you, belittle you, and bolster her own ego by making you feel small and ashamed.

Self-defense tips: Don’t take what she says personally. Address a misplaced criticism directly. Don’t get defensive. Express appreciation for what’s useful. Bounce back with a massive dose of loving-kindness.

Vampire 5: The Splitter.

This vampire may treat you like his BFF one day, and then mercilessly attack you the next day when he feels wronged. He is often a threatening rageaholic who revels in keeping others on an emotional rollercoaster.

Self-defense tips: Establish boundaries and be solution-oriented. Avoid skirmishes, refuse to take sides, and avoid eye contact when he’s raging at you. Visualize a protective shield around you when you’re being emotionally attacked.

So while I go off to prepare the list of people who fall into these categories and are therefore toxic for my mental peace, take a fresh look at the people around you too… see if there’s some that you can definitely do without or if you can’t avoid them at all then perhaps you need to arm yourself with some her magic ‘silver bullets’ 🙂
Read more: http://blog.beliefnet.com/beyondblue/2011/10/on-halloween-5-emotional-vampires-and-how-to-combat-them.html#ixzz1cw3CGDQS

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Posted on November 6, 2011, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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